If you have ever looked up the symptoms or comments from patients with OT, you usually find very similar things.  Fear of public places if there is nowhere to sit down.  Fear of falling.  Fear of walking up and down stairs.  Depending on the severity of the disease, these are all very valid fears.  From my perspective as a newly diagnosed patient, my biggest fear is the unknown.

The fear of how quickly the disease will progress.  The fear that I will bound to a wheelchair or need assistance later in life.  The fear of providing for my family.  The fear of my family staying together.  The fear that one day this constant worry will finally beat me down.

People always commend me on my great positive attitude and sense of humor when it comes to this disease.  I can honestly tell you that it is not and act.  I enjoy being around people if I can get myself out the house.  But, deep down there is still a part of me that wants to crawl into a corner and hide and hope this is just a bad dream.  I remember reading one of Michael J Fox’s books on his Parkinson’s,  and he said that he could tell what kind of day he would have tremor wise, within the first few minutes of waking.  I’m here to tell you that it is the same with OT as well.  When I wake in the morning and get out of bed, if I can make it to the bathroom with out running into the bed or the door,  I know it might not be that bad of a day.  He also mention that he knew whether he should shave that day as well and I almost laughed out loud, because I think that every day.

Now, all that proves is that I’m human.  I stated previously that humans weren’t initially program to think one step at a time.  I was wrong. Next time you see a young child or even a baby, watch them.  I mean really watch them.  Does it look like to you that they care one bit about what’s going to happen next year, next month, tomorrow or 1 minute from now.  They are soaking every bit of that moment that they are in right now.  It’s when we get older and get placed into society rat race, that unfortunately starts as early as preschool now.  There are a rare few that can get themselves out of worrying about the next day or the future in general.  The truth is there is not a lot we can do about it anyway, so why worry.

Now I’m not totally carefree.  In this world you have to do some planning for the future, because that’s way this world works.  But, ask yourself, was it really supposed to be that way.  How many people do you know that seem to have it all together and seem miserable at the same time, versus a person who seems to have nothing, but seem content and would give the shirt off their back to anyone that would ask.

So,  I will continue to be positive and laughed and joke around and make fun of you when I see you.  But, I would expect you to do the same to me.  We only get one shot in this world and I’m sorry,  nobody that’s in knows what the future may hold, especially after Ms. Cleo died.  I wonder why she didn’t see that coming?

Have a great rest of your day and a better one tomorrow, please share this blog, tell people my story,  and as always God bless!!

Matt

 

3 thoughts on “An OT patient’s worse fear, the unknown?

  1. Prayers, as always! And i do admire your honesty in realizing we are all human. Love the little joke about Ms. Cleo! Take care, and keep the faith. ❤️

    Like

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